I’m gonna live until I die…

You say I’m metastatic, and that I’m gonna die.

But I prefer to be ecstatic, not make my loved ones cry

So don’t harsh my mellow, with all your doom and gloom.

I’m gonna be a flower, and then I’m gonna bloom.

You say that you can’t fix me, and that I’ll keep on breaking.

But, hey, look at me, I’m walking, I tell you I ain’t faking.


See, it’s all in our minds. We create our reality.

In your mind I have cancer. In mine, I’m a dancer.

Maybe you believe in heaven, or aliens above.

But no matter who your god is it’s all about the love.

Love is the glue that sticks us all together.

It’s the fabric of the universe… it creates our inner weather.

And when we fill ourselves with love, and everyone around us

Our ability to heal is unparalleled and boundless.


Silly, naïve Kai… Poor, pitiful fool

When she gonna learn she ain’t making all the rules?

The hell you say!

Twice you say I’m gonna die and then I don’t.

Now you say I’m gonna die again… Hell, now, I just won’t!

You say the cancer’s back. I say it can’t be there.

See for the first time in my life I have great hair!

Again, I’m gonna lose it?

Unless maybe I don’t choose it…

just the thought of cancer fills me with despair!


Cancer… sick, psycho puppetmaster!

You ain’t the boss of me

I’m gonna live until I die…

Just you wait and see!

– kaiulani facciani


The photo in the top banner is very meaningful to me. I’m wearing a hat because I lost my hair. Chemo had reduced me to not wanting to fight anymore. I was ready to give up. My son’s spring break was coming up and I was determined we would have one last trip together, so we went to Panama and I got permission to skip two weeks of chemo. I felt alive again, remembering why I wanted to live. I made the decision that day on the beach that I was done with chemo. Tuck away some strength somewhere and, when you think, you can’t go on, pull it out and surprise yourself! BTW, this was March, 2013 and I have since traveled to Croatia, Cuba, Hawaii, and Vieques.

This blog chronicles my adventures after refusing to die just yet.
May it inspire you to look beyond the chemo chair, radiation table, or scan tube you may currently be in.
I’ve been there. If it wasn’t for my ability to envision a different reality, I would still be there.
I may be there again, sooner than I hope. But meanwhile, brothers and sisters… Let’s live until we die!

Here is a link to my story in Radical Remissions

All original content contained on this web site, I’m Gonna Live Until I Die!, is copyrighted, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019 Kaiulani Facciani.